Through a disastrous 10 year marriage I lost a part of me. I lost who I was as a man. I lost the edge I once had. Along the way I somehow became quite underwhelming and seemingly weak. It is very discouraging and frustrating to see where I am as compared to who I once was. I was impressive in everything I did. I could pick up any sport and excel at it right away. I could show up most people in many feats of strength and endurance. Yes, I was younger then, but it’s not the point. The point is, the things that were impressive about me were lost somewhere along the way and I am trying desperately to regain it. I’m angry about what I lost and how I let myself be treated for so long. What kind of man let’s himself be broken down like that? What kind of man loses so much of himself and becomes such a small, weak shell? How can people not question my status as a man when I have no confidence in who I am? That was where I found myself. Broken, bruised, weak, pathetic. I couldn’t even stand up straight as the weight of everything was crushing my fucking soul. How the hell did this happen? I was a man who stared down a bear. I was a man who having a knife held to his throat did not back down. I was a man who fought off 10 guys trying to mug me. Suddenly I found myself submitting to my demons. Suddenly I found myself too ashamed of myself to even know who I was. So, now what? With little left that is impressive and little left that seems to be worth while; what do I do? I man the fuck up and do those things I’m capable of. I give a reason for people to brag about being with me. I create in me that man I once was. I can continue to be damaged, or I can do something about it. Be impressive. Be strong. Be healthy. Do this for me because I am worth it and I know the only sure thing is that I will always be my biggest fan. I can only rely on me to always be there to push me. I need to find this again for me. I owe it to myself to be my very best. If I’m not good enough for others, it’s ok, but if I can impress myself I know that I’m on the right path. I’m a man and I’m mad as hell that I slipped away from that.