Saturday Mornings

I get my kids 4 nights a week now.  I am incredibly excited about this new chapter in my life.  It means that my time with them doesn’t have to be rushed anymore and the urge to let them get away with everything doesn’t need to be there.  That urge is there because I have had guilt weighing on me for not being a bigger part of their life.  This morning I feel relieved and content.  I have practiced reading with my youngest and cuddled with my son.  There is an important lesson to be learned here I’m sure.  Let’s try to figure out what it could be.  I had mediation with my ex on Thursday and I went into it expecting the worst.  I was sabotaging myself at every turn and had really thrown myself into misery.  None of my fears were really based on anything truthful or rational. I thought that my time with the kids would be taken away so I was terrified to ask for more.  Rationally thinking I knew that my kids would not be taken away from me, I’m a good dad, but my automatic thinking usually goes straight to the worst possible outcome.  I let myself psych myself out.  The key part is the fact that it was me allowing it to happen, not my ex’s fault, not the lawyer’s fault, not the mediator’s fault and definitely not the universe’s fault.  I was allowing it myself.  I didn’t use the strategies I had learned to deal with the issues I was facing and I paid dearly for that in misery.  Now here is another point in time that I can change my attitude.  I can beat myself up for my failure or I can accept it, learn from it and move forward.  What do you think is the healthy choice at this point?  I think it’s pretty obvious so I won’t delve too deeply into it.  It is very important that I accept that it happened without judging myself for it.  It happened, it’s over, so move on.  In the end I got what I really wanted from the meeting, more time with the kids, and nothing went horribly wrong.  What I’m taking from this is that expecting the world to end at every difficult situation is miserable, exhausting and unnecessary.  Take every moment as it is, accept it and do what you can with it.  Keep your mind positive and don’t judge yourself when you stumble.  Go out and enjoy your weekend and thanks for reading!

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