What Is It?

Some days I just can’t focus. Today seems to be one of those. I’ve been staring at my screen for a while now and can’t seem to put ideas together. I began searching for jewelry for my septum, but found an old picture instead.

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It’s of me and my first serious girlfriend back when I was a teenager til I was 19. I began remembering the good times we had and all the carefreeness of those years. It was no fairytale ending, however and it came to an abrupt end when we lived in Winnipeg together. I’m not going to get into the dirty details, but I will say that I still think of her and smile from time to time. It was a few years later after the birth of my youngest that the news of her suicide reached me. That is news you never want to get and I was genuinely upset about it, even if I was married with kids and many years removed from contact with her. The last time I had seen her was at a funeral for a mutual friend whose untimely death in a car accident still effects me to this day. Upon reminiscing on these things I am reminded of how fragile life is and how we never know when it will end for us. This is why living each moment is so important. Enjoy what you can while you can. Notice what is happening now and seize any opportunity to make great memories with friends and family. I often wonder how I’ll be remembered when I die. Will people look back on my time with them with joy or distain? Will they remember good times or will they remember me as a whiny killjoy? Will I have changed people’s life for the better or did I make life worse. I hope to God that I will have a positive influence on those in my life and that I won’t have wasted my life being selfish. I want people to look back and smile. I want people to know that I did all that I could to make their lives better. What do you want to be remembered for?

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