I spend far too much time on my phone. Even now I am writing this on my phone. It seems that I waste a lot of potentially quality time staring into screens. I don’t know if I could go a day without my phone. I used to make fun of people who did this and now I am one of them. I text my friends instead of calling, I Facebook, Instagram, tweet; everything from this little device. It really is a wonder that something so small can captivate my mind for so much of my time. Why am I glued to my phone? Why do I text instead of call? Why do I check my social media so often? I’ve been thinking about it today and I think I know why. I can do these things without having to actually face another person. I have crippling social anxiety and I think I have fallen back on technology to keep the connections I need without actually going into a real social situation. I know this isn’t the healthiest way to deal with it, but it’s worked so far. Just because something works, doesn’t mean it is the healthiest choice. I realize that I am simply making a problem worse and it is the cause of a lot of my frustration. I’m not sure why I’m so afraid of real human contact; maybe it’s that I assume I will just be rejected as has happened numerous times in my life. Having been rejected big time over the past year, I think it’s safe to say that the assumption has a basis in fact. The problem here is that it was just a person who rejected me and every other time it has been an individual who rejected me. Individuals don’t represent every other person out there and it’s not a sure thing that I will be rejected. I may get rejected, that’s alway a possibility, but it is not going to be a constant. I’m a caring, somewhat together individual, so there is no glaring reason to not like me. Not everyone is going to, but there will be people who actually want my physical company. I know of a couple who do and I have hopes that there are others. I just need to realize that rejection isn’t the only thing out there and that people probably aren’t making fun of me constantly. I have to challenge those automatic thoughts and come up with realistic ones.