I’ve had a few dream careers in my head over the years.  The most recent was to be a teacher, but one that I’ve had since my youth was to be a body piercer.  I’ve worked in a piercing shop and loved every minute of it, but never got to the point of piecing people.  A very new friend of mine asked me why I had given up on this dream and I really had no good answer.  Even at 33, this dream is still attainable and I really have no good reason for having given up on it so long ago.  I guess when I got married and had kids I was so worried about making more money that I forgot about the things that gave me joy.  I’m many years removed from the piercing “scene”, but that is no excuse for not chasing this dream again.  It’s not only this dream that I need to think about, it’s a lot of things that I want to do in my lifetime that I have put aside and made excuses for.  I’d like to delve into why I do this.  Is it because I can’t or is it because it might be hard?  Is it the risk involved?  I’m not sure, which is probably why I still do it.  I’m not a big risk taker, especially now that I have kids to worry about.  I have always been good at coming up with reasons to not do things and usually they are pretty sound and reasonable.  Chasing these dreams requires risk and risk gets my anxiety all tied up in a knot.  So what do I do?  I put said dream back on the shelf and stick with what is comfortable, even if that scenario will not bring me joy.  I settle.  I guess that’s what it comes down to.  I settle for whats familiar and easy and run from what is different and difficult and in the end I become depressed and in a rut.  That’s where I am at this point, a rut.  I’ve been in this rut for a long time; so much so that I can’t see a way out of it.  How can I make things work?  How can I move forward and be happy?  How can I be ok to take some risks sometimes?  How do I break out of this rut?  Those are the questions that I need to answer.IMG_4499-0.JPG


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