Get a (Love) Life

I’m going to talk about something that I have fallen on my face attempting to perfect numerous times.  Who hasn’t messed up in love?  Hopefully more than just me.  Judging by the divorce rate in this hemisphere I think I can safely say it’s not just me. I had a semi-lengthy text discussion on this subject over the weekend and my eyes were opened a little wider than before by the end of it.  There is so much that I think and do that can set me up for failure when looking for a mate.  I never thought I’d be in a situation where I would be looking again, but here I am.  One major road block that I set up is that I am so focused on whether the next girl who walks into my life will be “the one”, so I create an impossible to meet ideal for who she has to be.  Most of the time this will stop any chance of me even introducing myself.  I become closed to the idea that someone outside my comfort zone could be interested in me and I give up.  On the other side of that coin, I assume that any woman I’m attracted to is completely out of my league.  I have always had a problem with my self image and often find myself calling me ugly.  My friend had a good point on this one; if I see myself as unattractive, so will others.  Pretty simple, but hard hitting.  I’ve been selling myself short all of my life and I have no one to blame but myself.  Sure I could blame all the girls who have rejected me over my 33 years on this earth, but that wouldn’t be taking responsibility for my feelings and I’ve been making that one of my “things”.  Why would I want someone who only liked me for my looks in the first place?  I have so much more to offer than that.  Once in a while I need some reminders of this, but if I sit down and list the things that I am, I find a lot of positive and desirable traits in there.  I’m impatient and an “all or nothing” thinker which makes it difficult to enjoy just meeting people and seeing where it can go.  I often think about what my next wife will be like rather than just being open to who is out there and seeing where it can go.  I need to remember that I don’t have to marry the next girl who walks into my life.

Dating while suffering from mental illness can be a challenge.  Especially in the loving yourself department.  This takes an incredible amount of work as depression just wants to beat you down and tell you you are nothing.  In the end, I need to be patient, don’t force things and always be open and try not to railroad myself with a strict “type”.  This journey could be a long one.IMG_4532

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