Doctor, Doctor

Had a great day off today. It helps when most of that day is spent with one of my favourite people. It’s amazing the difference a positive person can make on your day. It’s pretty cool actually. I had appointments to go to and it was a good time. My mood was great all day and I didn’t struggle with feeling as if I were undeserving of such a friend. I have felt like a subpar human my whole life and have often felt that I was not good enough for the friends and relationships I had. I was in constant fear that they would decide they wanted nothing to do with me or they would find out just how much of a lowlife I was. That’s a pretty exhausting way to live. I needed to find my own self worth, which is incredibly difficult when depression is trying to influence your thoughts. Notice that I said difficult and not impossible. Mental illness makes many “normal” things very difficult, but does not make them impossible. I spent a lot of time giving in to the depressing thoughts and not trying to dispute them and create more realistic ones. Every morning I feel like just staying in bed, but I get up, celebrate the fact I got up, and face the day. I have a choice every morning to give in or fight and I want to fight. I got tired of the everyday feelings of worthlessness and I was weary of the high anxiety in which I was existing. I have people in my life who keep me in check and give me a loving kick in the butt when I’m headed down self pity lane. It’s ok to rely on those people if I need them. It is not weakness, but strength that asks for help. Even the part of the day stuck in traffic was enjoyable today. I am good enough to have people who care in my life.IMG_4580.JPG

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