Hello my friends in the blogosphere. What is it that you want to accomplish sharing your life, your dreams, your fears and your years with the world at large? I don’t mean that as antagonistic; I truly care what your reasons are for doing this. I lose sight of my purpose in doing this. I started this as an open door into the life of a mental illness sufferer in hopes that the stigma would somehow be lessened. Lately the only mention of mental illness is when someone dies. Unfortunately that is a point in time known as too freaking late. There has been so much talk about the mental health of the Ottawa shooter, so much so that there seems to be the assumption that violence and mental health go hand in hand. When I was in Grade 12 in Calgary I was followed through the halls by administration because they thought I was a threat to the security of the school. Rumours swirled that I had recently been let out of prison for killing someone gaining me the nickname of “axe-murderer”. I pretended that I enjoyed it, but really it pained me to the core. It still effects me now in my relationships. I assume people think of me that way and am genuinely surprised when someone shows genuine interest in being part of my life. I expect to be heartbroken. I expect to be rejected. I expect to be shunned. I know this is the past and I know that worrying about it is as useful as a square wheel, but it still creeps into my life and tries to derail me. I am not what other people think I am. I am unique; I am loveable; I am a human being like everyone else. I can be what ever I want to be and I’m not defined by my failures. I am a good guy. I don’t always believe this.