Oh Well

I guess a couple days is my max for feeling good.  I’ve been living inside my head today and it hasn’t been joyous.  The dark thoughts are there, the anxieties are there and the paranoia is there.  I don’t feel much like going into all these feelings because focusing on it isn’t helpful.  I need to continue on what I wrote about yesterday and try to come up with traits and accomplishments that are positive for me.  That task was difficult yesterday when I was feeling mostly ok, so today it will be a huge accomplishment to get through.  When my brain works against me, the thoughts are strong and destructive.  Suicidal, self harming, self deprecating and all around rotten in nature, they bombard me relentlessly.  Now, lets move on to the positive aspects of me.

I am told that I make great mixed CD’s.  I know that might seem like a nothing talent, but I take great pride in being told this.  I try hard to not just put random songs I like on there, but I try to take what I know about the person and create a playlist that compliments them.  Call me a nerd if you must, but I was just told today that I make amazing mixes and it boosted my mood a little.

I play guitar well and have a decent stage presence.  I have been playing guitar since I was 9 or 10 and have gathered some skill along the way.  I feel I can entertain from the stage and bring a lot of energy to my playing.  This one is a hard one for me because I never feel like I am good enough when I’m playing.  I’m never happy with the songs I write and I’m always disappointed with my stage shows.  I have to admit my strengths and I think this might be two of them.

I have great compassion for people I care about.  I will drop everything to help out those that I hold dear and even those I don’t.  I will go out of my way to help a friend when they are hurting and I will always be glad to listen.  I think I have top notch listening skills and I hope that I can use them to help people feel better about themselves.  I’m told this is a great gift that I have, even though it can exhaust me.

That’s all I can think of right now, but they are all positive and I will continue to build off this.  What are some positives that you have?  Think about those more often.



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