I spend a lot of time alone in my room. Truthfully, the idea of socializing terrifies me. My heart rate increases, my head starts to hurt and I begin to sweat. It’s an unpleasant experience for me, but I still long to connect with people. It is a struggle inside that is almost impossible to explain to those who don’t experience the same conflict. When I’m alone I have lots of time to think about how lonely I am. I have lots of time to think about all the reasons people won’t hang out with me, all the reasons women will reject me and all the reasons why I would be better off dead. It’s not a healthy state of mind. I try to busy myself by watching movies alone or reading blogs alone or playing guitar alone. I need less alone time and more living time. It feels as though I am wasting so much of my life waiting alone. Time to face my fears and get out there. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself and be vulnerable again. Time to make more of life.