Life hit me hard last night. I haven’t felt that alone in a while. It was as if the floor disappeared beneath my feet and the ceiling opened up into nothingness. There was a despair in my heart so strong that I could not even move. Every mistake I ever made seemed to be thrown in my face and every time my heart had been broken was right there for me to see. Every little worry was front and centre and every lie depression tells me was louder than ever. It was a rough night battling my demons. No woman could ever love me, my friends only stick around because they feel sorry for me, my kids will grow to hate me, I’m a bad person, I’m ugly, I’m worthless, the list of thoughts goes on. For some reason I could not allow them to dissipate, I was attaching emotionally to every last one of them. Life seemed so huge and impossible and I looked into the abyss and thought about giving up. I contemplated giving in and checking out. I’m a broken man.
I’m still feeling it in my soul this morning. The never-ending bombardment has left me weary and tired today. I know better than to believe the lies, but today life is relentless and my mind is dark. I have good things coming up like getting my kids today and playing a show tomorrow and I will keep reminding myself of these things and maybe today will turn around. Every moment is a new chance to change the day and I’m going to keep trying moment to moment. Don’t feel sorry for me today, just know that bad days and nights happen. Depression doesn’t care what you have going on, it will keep trying to bring you down. It’s relentless and determined. Stay Strong!