August has begun and September is fast approaching. I’ve been doing a lot of dwelling on the fact that I was to start school in less than a month. I had a dream I was chasing, but now that dream has faded; at least for now. It has given me time to think more about what I want to do with my life career-wise. I need to work hard at whatever I do to pay my child support and childcare costs and I’ll do that at the job I have, but I would like to find something that I could enjoy doing for most of my working life and that isn’t always as easy to figure out. Teaching was something I felt I could do and be happy doing. I keep defeating myself when I think of it. I have responsibilities with my money that I can’t put on hold for school and 5 years of rarely seeing my kids because of the need to work while in school is too much for me to take right now. So if there are any wealthy donors who want to put me through school and pay my child support, I’m open to it! Dwelling on this is not helpful, especially at work where it’s hard to stay motivated. It is easy to get caught up in the blame game and blame her for this set back, but I’m giving her too much power over my future when I do that. I could make it work if I really wanted to, it’s been done before, so it is up to me to create the future I want. I don’t know about you, but it seems we give too much power to people and things that are beyond our control. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that seems to ring with truth to me.
I was feeling rather lonely all weekend so I took my camera on the bus and took some photos. If nothing else, the walk helped me get out of the funk I was in at least enough that I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Yes I just admitted that. I was really down and really dwelling on how alone I was. I took a few pictures, most of which I wasn’t too happy with, but the time spent outside did wonders for my mood. It’s tough staying positive some days, but I still choose to do so.