I had one of those sleepless, brain on overload type of nights last night. I last looked at my clock at 2:30am and was up for 5:15am. My thoughts were all over the place and bombarding me like sand in the wind. Lots of negative thoughts were creeping in and I was too tired to fight them off. The prevailent thought was that I was a failure because my marriage ended. I know I’ve spoken about this before and how this doesn’t define me as a person and most of the time I’m ok with that. Last night I was not and it hurt. My heart was breaking all over again and it was over taking me. I know that I’m not a failure and I know that my marriage ending doesn’t make me a bad person, but somedays I’m weaker than others and in the grand scheme of things that is ok. Today my thoughts are a little less chaotic and I’m feeling a better about life, though I am incredibly tired. I was able to bring myself back on track this morning after I got to work and got busy.
Life is not normally predictable all of the time. At least that’s my experience. You think you have a good thing going and something pops up and changes everything. This is where living in the moment comes in handy because if you are experiencing the moment rather than worrying about the roll you’re on, you can adapt to any new situation with less friction. In my small brain this makes sense. If you aren’t fighting against reality, you can think more clearly when things change. Time to take my own advice and tackle the day!