Bring It On Home

It has been a slow afternoon and I’m running out of things to do.  It is in these moments that I find my mind wandering to places I do not wish to go.  My brain begins to second guess my decisions from throughout the day, or begins dwelling on my separation.  It can go to suicidal thoughts or to self harming thoughts.  Lots of places that don’t need to be brought up.  I need to work diligently to catch these thoughts before I attach emotionally to them.  Once I have attached to them, it is far more difficult to dispel them.  If I notice them and simply allow them to run their course, they disapear and I can move forward.  Like anything else, once I become emotionally involved with the thoughts, it makes it more difficult to sweep away.  A fight I have fought for a while is one to keep from becoming emotionally charged over things.  I tend to let my feelings do my thinking for me when I become pasionate about something.  I need to step back, breathe and rationally think my arguments through.  In the heat of the moment, that can be quite difficult.  Difficult maybe, but not impossible.  I try to replace the phrase “I can’t” with “It’s difficult” as much as I can.  It’s amazing the different perspective I get when I see something as difficult rather than impossible.  Try it some time!  Suddenly the situation is far less daunting and hope can be seen.  When my wife first left me, I kept telling myself that I couldn’t go on, that I couldn’t be happy.  After a couple of weeks of intense suffering I began to try to slip “it’s difficult” in instead.  I found that my days were filled with less despair and a tiny bit more hope and as I kept telling myself that, life started to be more about healing and less about missing her.  It’s been a couple months now and the healing process seems to be moving forward nicely.  I have had a lot of support and advice over this short time that has helped immensely, but I think if I had never shifted my thinking from “I can’t” to “It’s difficult” I would not have been in a possition to take in the support.  Say “I can’t” less and shift your thinking and you may find a whole new horizon to push towards!  Stay Positive!

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