So the other day I had to officially give up my spot in the Faculty of Education. There were a lot of emotions involved and I was a little bit of a mess because of it. Within all the feelings and attachments I found that I was not angry with her any longer. I was upset about not being able to go back to school, but I wasn’t blaming anyone for it. Today I think I’ll talk about forgiveness. It’s a tough thing to do and not always a comfortable thing to do. It is the right thing to do. When I talk about forgiveness I’m not only talking about it as it pertains to others, but as it pertains to ourselved as well. Sometimes it is easier to forgive someone else for harming us than it is for us to forgive ourselves for mistakes. I made many errors in my marriage that most likely led to it’s ultimate demise and just now am I trying to forgive myself for them. I tend to beat myself up over them and give myself very little slack. I feel as though I don’t deserve to be forgiven and find it ever more difficult to grow because of this. I need to step back, accept that I’m not perfect and forgive myself for the imperfections. Everyone makes mistakes and we all need to keep living afterwards. Where is the use in constantly reminding myself of all the “bad” things I have done? Is it helpful for me to ruminate on something I said that I didn’t mean to? It’s been said, or done and now it’s time to move past it. I just need to say, “Self, I forgive you” and move past it.
Unforgiveness is incredibly toxic. It births jealousy, bitterness and anger; all of which cause nothing but heartache. The world seems darker and scarier when our hearts are filled with grudges. Every breath we take starts to be for revenge and the joy is sucked out of life. Instead of getting ourselves out of a rut we dig ourselves a deeper one. Forgive others and yourself.