I am worthwhile, even if I’m alone. I don’t need someone at my side to define me. I am who I am and I won’t apologize for that. I have chosen to be vegan, I have chosen to be straight edge and I have chosen to keep a positive mental attitude. Life is a constant flow of choices and what we choose can change our world. I could choose to allow my mental illness to define me or I could choose to accept it and do something about it. Some days I choose to be the victim and that is ok as long as I accept it and make a different choice the next time. I realize that mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression (the two that I suffer from) make these decisions much harder, but you just need to persevere and give yourself credit for the work you are putting in. Life will throw unfortunate events at you; truth is, life is unfair; but we can fight that fact and cause suffering or we can accept it as fact and deal with it.
When people told me that things would get better after my wife left me, I didn’t believe them. I have worked very hard at taking responsibility for my feelings and making steps to move forward. I can see that work paying off now. I’m happy at times and the feeling of dread is mostly gone. I can hang out with friends and not be distracted by throughts of her. I can think about my future and not have it clouded by fantasies of her return. I can interact with her and not feel like begging and pleading for her to take me back and I no longer become enraged at her when I’m reminded that I can’t go back to school at this time. I think I’ve gotten to the point where I can forgive her. These are big deals for me and I’m going to give myself credit for the hard work I have done to get to this point.