I’m feeling pretty down today. It’s been a couple weeks since I felt like this and I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. The difference this time is that I know I can be happy and I know that life isn’t so bad. It’s ok to feel down sometimes and I know a lot of this has to do with not sleeping well the past few nights. There has been a lot on my mind lately and it all seems to pile up at night. Now I am at my desk fighting hard to stay awake and fighting even harder to dispell all the negative thoughts. I feel alone and unwanted today. I feel that I am not good enough for what I have. I feel ugly today. It’s tough to fight them off when you are already so tired. I’ve managed to keep a positive attitude through it all and I have to expect to have days like these some times. It doesn’t make me any less of a man and it doesn’t make me a bad person; it is what it is. I will just keep moving my feet forward and I’ll keep challenging these thoughts and feelings that seem to be bringing me down today.
The kids have been gone for a week now. It hasn’t really sunk in yet since I was working all weekend, but I’m sure that this coming weekend will be difficult. I could sit and mope about, or I could use this time to keep finding myself. I could enjoy the dogs and the sun; I could take pictures, hang out with friends. There is a lot out there for me to take advantage of for this next month and a half. I’m going to keep moving forward. I’m going to keep a positive mental attitude. PMA!