I am getting tired of this giant ball of anxiety that doesn’t show any signs of leaving. it’s exhausting. Today is one of those days where I’m not ok. Today is one of those days where I awoke from a dream where she was back. It didn’t take long to realize that I was still stuck in this nightmare. These dreams are hard on my soul. There is still a giant, festering hole left. I’m not perfect and I can be weak, but today I really would rather step into traffic than face it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to. My kids remind me of why I get up every morning. I know that I am not the first person to deal with this and I know there are countless people who have survived the death of a marriage. I try to remind myself of this at every opportunity, but still the memories creep in. The first date, the first kiss, the wedding, the kids’ births. These all flood back and it’s hard to escape. Today is still young….I need to create new memories.