I’m stressed out.  My anxiety is getting the best of me lately as I worry about money and paying rent.  Suddenly all the housework that I did myself to begin with seems like it is overwhelming.  I’ve gone over the numbers many times and on paper I can easily afford everything, but still here I am worrying about it.  I need to bring myself back to the present and worry about the now instead of the many catastrophic scenarios that I come up with when I sit and worry about the future.  I realize that all these things are important to worry about, but there is a time and a place for that.  I need to set aside a fixed amount of time for worrying and only do it then.  I think that would be helpful in my situation.

A friend took me out for some good vegan food at Boon Burger last night.  I needed to get out of the house and she answered the call.  It was a good time and I got to have a great vegan burger and vegan soft serve.  I managed to escape my worry for a couple hours anyways.  I’m finding that I need to keep busy to help with the ruminating and the anxiety.

I think I’m mostly ok now.  I don’t cry over little reminders of her as much anymore and I can smile and joke with less and less guilt.  I’m hopeful for the future and I’m realizing now that I need to dream new dreams; ones that don’t involve her.  I’ve accepted this for the most part and it has made it far easier to move on than I thought.  Where is the point in fighting against reality?  I’m going to make it through and sometimes it feels as though I already have.  I don’t need her.  I don’t need to have her to define me.  I am an individual and I’m worth more than I’ve given myself credit for.

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