I’m stressed out. My anxiety is getting the best of me lately as I worry about money and paying rent. Suddenly all the housework that I did myself to begin with seems like it is overwhelming. I’ve gone over the numbers many times and on paper I can easily afford everything, but still here I am worrying about it. I need to bring myself back to the present and worry about the now instead of the many catastrophic scenarios that I come up with when I sit and worry about the future. I realize that all these things are important to worry about, but there is a time and a place for that. I need to set aside a fixed amount of time for worrying and only do it then. I think that would be helpful in my situation.
A friend took me out for some good vegan food at Boon Burger last night. I needed to get out of the house and she answered the call. It was a good time and I got to have a great vegan burger and vegan soft serve. I managed to escape my worry for a couple hours anyways. I’m finding that I need to keep busy to help with the ruminating and the anxiety.
I think I’m mostly ok now. I don’t cry over little reminders of her as much anymore and I can smile and joke with less and less guilt. I’m hopeful for the future and I’m realizing now that I need to dream new dreams; ones that don’t involve her. I’ve accepted this for the most part and it has made it far easier to move on than I thought. Where is the point in fighting against reality? I’m going to make it through and sometimes it feels as though I already have. I don’t need her. I don’t need to have her to define me. I am an individual and I’m worth more than I’ve given myself credit for.