Liberate This

I am not my failures and I am not my fears.  So often we view ourselves based on our failures and define ourselves by our fears.  We will tell ourselves that we can’t do this or that because we failed at it before or we are afraid of something.  I’m making a pretty big assumption that everyone does these things, but bear with me as I write these posts to help me as much as to help you.  Just because I failed at this marriage, doesn’t mean I’m a failure at marriage.  Just because I’m afraid of being alone doesn’t mean that I can’t be alone.  I have lived a good portion of my life believing that my failures define me and my successes are nothing but anomalies.  It’s a miserable life to live.  I remember getting a 78% on a test and thinking that I could never pass that course and tried to drop it.  That’s how much pressure this thinking puts on your shoulders.  In the end I passed the course no problem, but for years felt like I failed it.  A shift is needed in this battlefield called my brain.  One that is dramatic and positive.  I’m working hard everyday to focus less on the turbulence that seems to follow me and more on the positives, no matter how small they may seem.  Instead of finding the negative in all the unfortunate events of my life, I need to learn from them and use my experiences to better my life and other’s lives.  I’ve survived friends’ deaths, be it from suicide or other means; I’ve made it through a mental breakdown, diabetes, bankruptcy among other things.  I can choose to use them to learn from or use them to become bitter over.  Some days I admittedly get angry over it all and become quite depressed over them and that’s ok.  I’m not a bad person because of it, though some people who have had to deal with me on those days may disagree.  I am not my failures.  I am not the bad things that have happened to me.  I am not my fears.  I am who I want to be.


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