Tough Day

Today would have been our 10th anniversary.  It’s a tough thing to swallow that I’m not buying flowers today to celebrate.  It’s amazing how dates effect us emotionally.  Now May 29th will be nothing but another day on the calandar, or at least in theory.  I could allow this to bring me down further.  I could allow this to anger me and frustrate me.  I could let these thoughts win.  I’m trying hard to not attach emotionally to the date and let it bring me down.  It is an uphill battle, but not an impossible one.  This whole breaking up of a marriage is all new to me.  How do I unattach from this date?  For one, it would be helpful if I stopped worrying about how happy she is without me.  I can’t control that and I don’t think I’d want to change that.  All I ever wanted was to make her happy and I guess I have now succeeded, though not in the way I’d ever wanted to.  It’s a kick in the teeth, but it is what it is and I can’t control that.  I could continue dwelling on it and keep creating misery for myself or I can accept my fate and figure out a way to move out of this valley.  This is not comfortable.  Not at all.  I am resisting the urge to write a full on, self-loathing pity party post as I feel like that today.  How can I find positives in this?  I am still the father of my children and I will always be that.  I could focus on that instead of why she no longer loves me.  It’s a start.  I’m trying to keep busy at work to keep my mind of things as well, but I find I am easily distracted by the situation.  I’m told it gets better and I’m sure it does, but it seems the lows are just a little lower this week.  I know it’s because I didn’t get to see my son on his birthday and that it would have been our anniversary today, so maybe next week will be easier.  Who knows.

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One thought on “Tough Day

  1. I *like* your posts to let you know I read them, not because I like what you’re going through. Missing your son’s birthday and now having to deal with today cannot be easy. As you said though, it does get easier, and you may not have your wife, but you do have our children and that is something to rejoice over.

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