The pieces are still there, though they may be shattered. They are still there. Time to pick them up, find myself and move on. I have been dwelling for too long; hoping that she’ll change her mind, but that is not going to happen. She’s happy now, so maybe I should try to be too. I’ve lucked into some side work this week, so hopefully that will take my mind off of things a little. It’s been a month, so the crying can stop and the living can start! School is around the corner and hopefully my student loans will be big enough to get through. My attitude needs to be positive if I’m going to get through this and my mind must be clear to fight through. My heavy heart will heal in time and there will be positives that come from this. I’m single now and I need to learn to enjoy it rather then loath it. I am going to breathe the air and enjoy the sun (if it ever shows itself). I will smile. I will allow myself to smile and enjoy life. I don’t need to be down for long. The pain is real, but the need for it to rule me is not.
I will not feel guilty for smiling back at girls. I will not be ashamed to laugh and enjoy the friendships of others. I have the right to be happy. This anxiety that cripples me will not define me; the depression that overstays it’s welcome is not who I am. They are illnesses to treat, but they are no more definitive of me than my type 1 Diabetes.