I’m making positive changes, but it may be too late. I am making them for myself, but I was hoping these positive changes could be noticed and I could go back home. I know how unfair and selfish that is, but that is my hope. If I turn it around I know I don’t deserve another chance and I know that I have waited too long to make these changes. This heartache is on me and only me. She deserves to be happy and that is what I want for her. How do I heal from this? Someone told me that I need to forgive myself for all that I’ve done and learn from it. Easy to say, hard to do. This void in my soul makes it difficult to forgive myself and these sleepless nights are wearing me down. One day at a time. I need to live out these changes every day and maybe it will be proof enough, maybe it won’t. Maybe we will reconcile, maybe we won’t.
I got a part time job on the weekend and now need to look for places to live. This is definitely not where I would have seen myself and this situation is on of the most difficult I have ever faced. I will beat this. I think.