I don’t know what I’m doing. I am lost here, stuck in limbo and trying not to be stressed out. It’s a point where plans can’t be made and I can’t put my hopes up that a resolution can be reached. I can’t say for sure if I’m going to school and I don’t know if this part time job I have an interview for today will be enough. I know this is my own doing and should have done things differently over the last few years, so don’t blame anyone except me. These tears are mine, this heartache is mine, this giant empty hole inside me is a direct result of 5 years of outbursts and selfishness. I can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel today and my kids begging me to move back home is breaking my heart. I did this and I don’t know if it will get fixed. I have made changes and am working so hard, but it might be too late. If it is too late I guess I will find a full time job so I can live somewhere and eat sometimes; maybe in a few years I can revisit this school thing. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m floating and waiting and hoping even if the odds are not in my favour.