I didn’t melt in the rain this morning and the snow didn’t cause me to catch fire. The rain has now stopped and the snow has melted away, leaving me to wonder exactly what upset me so much about it this morning. For those of you not living through Winnipeg’s worst winter in over 100 years, it has been a challenge to be hopeful this year. Seeing the snow on the ground this morning burst a blood vessel in my brain (don’t worry, I mean this metaphorically). I couldn’t enjoy my coffee and I thought long and hard about just staying home and feel sorry for myself. Where would that get me? Not very far and I would have become more and more restless and angry and guilty. I would stew on a feeling I attached to a weather pattern that is out of my control. To me, that doesn’t seem that helpful. What do you think? I would assume you agree with me on this one. I have been dreading the writing of the blog post today, mainly because I feel the content has dwindled a little lately and I still haven’t figured out what to do about that. Do I need to even worry about it? There I go worrying again. The point I have been dancing around here is that events that are out of my control do not need to have any emotion attached to it. I don’t need to be sad that it snowed; I don’t need to be annoyed that it is raining. I can notice the fact that there was snow and it was raining, but I don’t need to allow it to ruin the whole damn day. Something I’ve been learning is that I don’t need to judge myself when I do attach emotion to these things. “Don’t judge your judging”.
On to the next subject: Work. I’m still a little hurt by the business with the ROE from my old work and I haven’t had a call back from Home Depot (they said they would get back to me this week if I had the job), so I need to carry on with the search for Part-Time work. So, any of you Winnipegers out there send me your leads! It is difficult to keep my negative thinking at bay in this situation. I find myself doubting my abilities when I do not get a job and I have been known to let it drag me down. Maybe there was someone more qualified than me, maybe I was overqualified, maybe they felt I wouldn’t mesh with the other employees. The point is, I don’t know or control what that reason is and I need to keep my mind on more helpful things and move to the next. I have my orientation at the University of Winnipeg on Monday, so I should be able to apply for student loans and grants very soon. This school thing is becoming more and more real and is bringing about a little more anxiety than I had thought it would. This will be a good thing. I can do this.