Hosed

This morning was the first bike in the rain of the season. I am pretty wet and am now destined to spent this STAT day in an uncomfortably damp state. I accept my fate. I have not heard back from Home Depot so I’m going to have to get back to the job search again. Normally I would be feeling sorry for myself and mope around about it, but this whole “accepting what is” strategy seems to be helping a lot. I found on my ride to the hospital that I was concentrating on my breathing or on the act of pedalling instead of worrying about how wet I was getting or how uncomfortable I was going to be. I found that I even enjoyed myself a little. A little. This will be a day full of breathing and awareness of things other than my wet ass.

I woke up in a low mood this morning. I don’t know if it is the stress of all the changes happening or the dull, wet day, but it is the mood I have today. I’m fully aware of it and will need to stay vigilant today in catching all the terrible thoughts that fill my head during these days. The dark thoughts are so oppressive and imposing and can make concentration quite difficult. What I am learning to do is accept that I feel this way (without judging the feeling or myself) and decide how I want to react to it. If I refuse to accept the feeling, I won’t be able to move past it and I become filled with misery. That is not helpful to anyone.

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