I woke up this morning and almost immediately fell into a panic attack. I’m not sure as to why, though I have an idea. I received my last full paycheck yesterday and moving forward money will be very tight. That is hard to deal with. My wife makes a very decent wage, but feeding a family of five is not cheap. This is one of those days where I need to simply stay in the moment and not worry about the future so much. I need to accept the fact that we will have less money and move forward. There are many things we can do without and there are many ways to save money so I need not worry. Easier said then done. I have been trying to pay attention to my breathing and catching catastrophic thoughts as they enter my consciousness. There are lots of those happening right now. I had a great interview at The Home Depot on Thursday and most likely will have a second coming up soon, so I should have a steady stream of part-time work as long as it goes well. If not, I’ll just keep looking for part-time work to get us through the next 5 years of my schooling. I’m not going to give up and I’m going to try my damnedest to keep a positive attitude about this and to live each day instead of merely surviving it.

Life is meant to be experienced, not just survived. For a long time I have simply survived each day, relieved when each day comes to an end and I am still alive. That is no way to go day by day and is no way to teach my kids how to live. I don’t care what your ideology, theology or any other ology; you need to experience every day to get a truly fulfilled life. I see no point in just surviving and if that was all that life had to offer I don’t think I could cope. Stop, breathe, notice the sun; notice the breeze; notice the birds chirping; notice all the beauty that surrounds you instead of dwelling on the chaos that envelopes your mind. Remember that you can only control what you do about your situation, but can’t control the outside forces that cause the situation. Go and do and be what is; don’t simply lie down and take it, hoping to wake up in the morning. Take responsibility for yourself and know that you don’t have to be the victim. PMA all day!

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2 thoughts on “Anxiety

  1. Not to be dismissive of your need for a part-time or full-time gig, but I am curious to hear what you would do if money were not an issue? How would you like to spend your time?

    • I would spend more time with the kids and on my band. Working part-time shouldn’t get in the way too much, but I am starting school in September so we need to save the money up. I realize I am making excuses.

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