There has been a great amount of soul searching going on during the months that I have been writing these posts. What do I believe about life, what do I believe about God, what do I believe about a lot of things. I have always been one who questions and I find the more I question, the more things I’ve believed seem to lose there “truth”. The biggest struggle I have is how Science and God can intermingle without a tension that has seemed to be inherent when the two meet. It’s hard. Science can explain so many things that we blindly assumed God magically poofed into existence exactly as they exist now. There is an even larger question that arises from this as well. Is God a meddling, controlling one who will repeatedly interrupt in order to create a willed outcome? Or, on the other hand, is God a distant, uncaring one who started the chain reaction that eventually created life on earth, but simply sat back and let the laws guide it. It seems that nature always follows a set of rules, be it physics or genetics or any other form of scientific law. Some have said that the gaps where science has yet to explain is where God truly lies, but that would be saying that he is a God of ignorance or that he is a God that will perpetually become smaller as we learn more about the universe we live in. There is a dilemma that I can’t seem to reconcile and it is causing me great confusion. God has commanded that we seek wisdom, but as we seek that wisdom his greatness seems to shrink and his function seems to lessen. That being said, there is a wonderful perspective that comes to mind. The complexity of the laws of science is such that whomever created them knew exactly what they were doing. Many will say that no being created anything, but the question remains as to how did matter come into being as we all know that it cannot appear from nothing. I cannot ignore the question of how did God come into being and my answer to that is, I don’t know. I don’t know many things. Relativity tells us that time stops when a particle reaches the speed of light (pure energy) and that to a photon the instant it is created it is also being absorbed by whatever object it eventually comes in contact with. That is amazing. I don’t understand it like I should, but to me that would mean that if something reaches that form of pure energy it would see, in an instant, everything that happened between it’s reaching pure energy and it’s demise or slowing down. Is this how God works? Is this how he sees the future? There are so many strange and amazing things that we discover in the natural world that we simply cannot ignore. I know I have gone a little existential with this post, but I can’t ignore the facts that are out there and I can’t dispel truth simply because someone said so. There are some who believe the Earth is 8000 years old and science is merely sent by Satan to deceive us and if that is what I have to believe to believe in God then I refuse to believe.
This is something that causes great conflict inside me and something that I should talk about more often. I can’t just ignore these doubts and carry on like everything is ok. That’s what got me into the mental trouble I’m in today. I don’t want to pass on wrong beliefs to my children and I don’t want them to follow anything without questioning it first. If there isn’t a satisfactory answer then it probably isn’t worth following. People say that God doesn’t do miracles anymore, but what if Science is the miracle. What if doctors are the miracles. What if scientists are the miracles. What if the very existence of the laws of nature is the miracle. Maybe I’m looking at the problem in an entirely flawed way. That is a possibility that I need to consider over and over again. It is in the questioning that we find the answers. Without the question, there is no answer.