So How Are You?

So how are you? When coming from a therapist you can expect that a more in depth answer than “Good” is what they are looking for. I’ve given the same answer for years and and breaking that habit is proving very difficult. So really, how am I? Even looking at that question brings a rush of anxiety over me. The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m doing. I spend so much time fighting against the thoughts that I get that I rarely am able to mentally check where I stand. It is something that I should do from time to time. I lose who I am when I ignore how I’m really doing. How am I doing? Ok, I guess. That answer is a little more than “good”, but still lacking in it’s description. I’m surviving the onslaught of horrible thoughts and making it through the day in spite of constant suicidal thoughts. I’m ok. I’m working on it. I’m trying. That is what is most important and maybe that should be my default answer from now on. How are you doing? I’m trying. Rings true in my mind. I’m working hard and I’m trying.

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How are you?  I’m trying.

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