Apprehension

I am increasingly apprehensive about this big change coming up in my life. I think the big issue I have is that I will no longer be contributing in the monetary way for a little while (at least not nearly as much). I’m excited about it, but the unknowns are what get to me at this point. My panic attacks have increased in both duration and amount and my irritability is at a high point that I haven’t seen in a while. I’m hoping to keep telling myself it will be fine until I start believing it. I know these steps that are about to be taken are for the long term good and will be fine, but my brain likes to tell me that I can’t do it. I have proven myself wrong time and again and I hope that trend continues as I step into the great unknown area of being a University student. Ahhh! I’ll be the old guy in the class, so hopefully that will gain me some respect to begin with that I can grow into. We shall see, I guess. I still have no idea what to expect and that is killing me. Who else has gone through this and can give me an idea of what to expect? The last time I was in any sort of learning atmosphere was highschool in 1999. Just writing this is getting me worked up so maybe I should switch topics a little.

I like taking pictures. Yes, I most definitely do. I’m always a little ashamed of the ones I do take as I feel inadequate because I have no training in the art. I think the great thing about art is that you don’t necessarily need formal training to do it, though learning it thoroughly is definitely an opportunity that shouldn’t be passed by. I try to take my camera with me everywhere I go, just in case there is a picture that needs taking. I am a little self conscious while taking pictures so I sometimes rush them and miss the shot that I truly wanted. I need to get over myself a little and just not care that someone may be watching me take the pictures. In the end, the ones I take may be not that special to many people, but I always hope to tell a story with it. If something is interesting to me, I’ll take a picture. It’s calming. I need to take more.

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One thought on “Apprehension

  1. I’m very excited for your new adventure! Also if that’s you in the box, then you’ve just rated up there with the “top coolest people.” Seriously, that’s great! If not, still the picture is regardless.

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