What exactly is it about stuff that makes us crazy for more? It piles up, it collects dust, it costs us money and it is seemingly impossible to get rid of. What is it about stuff that makes us think that accumulating it will make us happy or somehow give us a higher standing in society? I’ve spent many years thinking that if I only had more stuff, I would be happier. If only I made more money, then I would smile. I have noticed a rather strange trend over the years; it seems that with every raise or higher paying job, I have been even more unhappy. I don’t make any disgusting amount of money, but I make above what a lot of people do and I am increasingly unhappy. I’ve been re-examining my life over the last year or so, trying to come to terms with my mental illness and how to best deal with the crippling unhappiness. My life is entirely too busy because of this pursuit of stuff and it isn’t even a vocation I enjoy, but yet I put up with it so I can have two cars and a big tv (ok it’s only 39″, but that’s big to me). It’s pretty depressing actually. Apparently in some cultures, having far more than you need is seen as a mental illness. Interesting. It makes sense to me.
I spend far too much money on things that don’t really matter. We have been getting better recently, but still need some priority adjustments; especially with me starting school in September. We have been using candles at night instead of using lights and been keeping the thermostat down. It’s amazing how much more relaxed the evenings are with it being darker in the house. I’m a little nervous today. I feel like something bad is going to happen; more so than usual.