If God Answered Every Prayer With a Yes

I am a believer (no, not Belieber) and I have many moments of doubt, where I ask for something and I get nothing. I know that I can’t expect a yes for everything, but it sometimes seems when I am desperate and tired and I ask for help, there is no answer that comes back. I make it through each day hoping against hope that the next will see my mind healed and my diabetes taken away. I’ve had many people tell me that if I just had a little more faith, a God would heal me. Obviously I’m doing something to piss him off and am now destined to Hell and suffering. I’ve been told that riches are given to those who please God and maybe there is something in my life that God hates. I guess all the stuff about Jesus loving the poor was not one of the things to follow; kind of like “love thy neighbour” or don’t be so greedy.

If God said yes to every request, I would be in a lot of trouble. More specifically I’d be dead. More than once a day I find my self hiding somewhere and praying that He would take my life; smite me where I stood (or kneeled; or lay). When I am overwhelmed with the day, that is the only thing on my mind and I have complete faith that if he wanted to, he would do it. There is a hole in my heart and it sometimes feels like the Church would rather shun me than love me.*

I’m not a theologian, so my opinions may not be all that kosher to some denominations, but I see a Christ who loved the poor, the sick, the prostitutes, the tax collectors and even those who doubted him. Nowhere have I found supporting evidence making the marginalized any less loved than the well off and entitled. Maybe I’m wrong in all this, but if he’s a God who only loves the wealthy, than I would rather rot in Hell.

*This in no way meant as a shot at my Church (which is a wonderfully accepting one), but a generalization based on the teachings of some wealthier churches and the way the “Christian Right” acts and speaks.

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