I woke up in one of my agitated moods this morning. You know those days where everything just seems too big to deal with and every little thing seems 100 times louder. I have been in a constant mode of high alert, but have managed to keep from blowing up so far thanks to some strategies I have learned over the last few years of CBT. I am pretty damn tired though, so I’m not sure how much longer I will last. If you have ever worked in the service or sales industry you can probably agree that there are many trying people you deal with on any given work day and it takes a lot to not jump over the counter in a fit of rage and beat into them just how ignorant they are. Don’t call the cops, I haven’t done that and I don’t plan on it, but I sometimes fantasize about it when I’m at home, staring at the ceiling and trying to sleep. Please tell me I’m not alone in this! It may be the mood I’m in, but it seems that everyone I talk to this morning has somehow lost all ability to reason or use common sense and that is not helping matters up in my brain. The most frustrating thing so far is the awkward silence when you give someone an answer that they don’t want to hear; you not saying anything is not going to suddenly give me a degree in engineering to tell you how to build a wall with load bearing properties that will give you sound deadening to the point of almost zero transfer. I think I’m just being over dramatic today, but in my head I am fine; it’s everyone else that sucks.
These days have the potential to blow up in my face. I have to work incredibly hard to stay sane as it feels as though I am one step away from falling off the edge. I can’t tell if it’s my anxiety or depression that is prevalent, but it’s probably the simple answer of both. I’m unsure where to go from here, but I know I have to make it through the rest of the day without saying or doing anything crazy. I’m tired, I’m grumpy, I’m depressed and I’m anxious; a powder keg of emotion waiting for a single spark to blow me up. Please steer clear of me if you can, I’m trying to survive today.