The kids are off today and I took the day to be home with them. I checked my admission status on a whim yesterday. I had been up as “waitlisted” so long that I had begun to think this whole school thing wasn’t going to happen. So when my status had changed to “offer” I was pretty surprised and excited. Now I wait for the letter to come in the mail and I can start figuring out how we can afford to do this. I realize that this will not be easy and the next five years could be pretty stressful, but it is definitely better than selling drywall.
I have never allowed myself to dream of being anything but mediocre. I think I have just assumed I couldn’t be anything more than what I am now (I’ve always thought that I’d be discovered as a fraud at this job). That is an attitude that needs to change if I’m to be successful in any endeavour. I have always had a sneaking suspicion that I’m a fraud and that any sort of success I have enjoyed has just been luck. I try to mask this under guise of modesty, but really it’s just me defeating myself. I know how to fail like the best of them, but I have to learn how to take pride in my accomplishments and realize that the successes I enjoy are because of my hard work more than just luck. I need to learn how to accept that I can succeed and that I can be more than an underpaid salesman.