Broken Record. Maybe it’s Just the Needle.

I’ve noticed a pattern in my posts and I’m a little anxious about it. I seem to write the same post over and over again. I received some great advice via a comment yesterday that maybe writing about my kids, family or hobbies could be helpful for my mood. I am usually pretty resistent to change because it interupts my routine, but I think this routine needs a shake up. I have been brainstorming ideas to write about all last night and this morning. Maybe some story from my younger days or maybe about my new band. Maybe I should write about the 3 awesome children I have or my beautiful wife. It’s been quite the experience as I jump from one idea to the next and think one is great one minute then terrible the next. One thing was for sure, I want it to be somewhat positive.

It was the summer of 2000 and I was a 19 year old kid filled with ideals and dreams. I played guitar in a punk/hardcore band with 4 of my best friends called Strength in Solitude. We had a decent following in our city of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and had decided to try our luck at a month-long tour that would take us all across the country. I had a $9/hour warehouse job at the University of Alberta Bookstore that was very good to me, so I asked for a leave of absence instead of quitting. This band meant more to me than anything else at that point in my life and the four guys in it were the biggest influences on my life at the time. The scene back then was thriving and the quality of bands to play with in the rented halls of Edmonton was high. I can still remember the excitement that I felt as we left the city onto our adventure to come. I won’t get into specifics of each show or which cities we played in, but I will tell you that I was proud of something I was a part of for the first time I could remember. We had our fights and set backs along the way (I sunk almost $3000 into the tour that I had saved), but we made it and we had a blast doing it. There were points where we didn’t know if we’d make it to our next show and at one point we were stranded in Toronto as a large number of shows had been cancelled along the eastern seaboard. You would think that the uncertainty would have drove us crazy, but it gave us time to get to know each other and experience things in life that would normally have been taken for granted. I still look back on this summer as one of my favourite times in my life. Playing music, seeing many new places and doing it with 4 great guys was exactly what I hoped to do for a long time, but unfortunately that didn’t pan out. I still do not regret it and maybe that can happen again with my new band, Panic Attack. Maybe.

I watched a great documentary called “The Other ‘F’ Word” about being in the punk scene and being a parent. It was a little bit of an inspiration for me to see that so many of the bands I grew up listening to and are still around have members who have families and have found a way to make that work. I have found myself believing that I can’t make anything musical work now that I have a family and that anything I become a part of could never be anything more than a fun hobby, but this documentary has put a small flicker of hope in my mind that this new project could be something bigger than I am giving it credit for. If you have Netflix, I highly recomend watching this documentary (even if you don’t). To tie this all into the mental health theme that I have here at “How Are You?…Good” I must say that playing and listening to music is probably the most effective therapy that I have found. Play it loud and live!



2 thoughts on “Broken Record. Maybe it’s Just the Needle.

  1. What a fun adventure that would be, going cross country doing something you love. Especially at 19 years old. I imagine how freeing that must have felt. As far as a music career with a family goes – most of the people I see in bands (both local and world known) have families. If they can do it, then I would think that you can too.

    • I have used my family as an excuse for so long that I almost convinced myself. My wife tells me all the time that she would support me 100%. I’m beginning to see that I have sabotaged a lot of my own dreams.

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