I have been worried that my writing has not been improving like I’d hoped. It has bothered me so much, in fact, that I went out and bought a book. I don’t know exactly what I expect from myself as I have not exactly kept up with my writing since high school. I produced a couple ‘zines in Edmonton when I was 17 or 18 that included some of my essays on topics like capital punishment and anarchism/socialism. I also included interview with local punk/hardcore bands and record reviews. That only lasted a couple years and looking back my writing style seemed forced and at times pretty scattered. I don’t think that has changed too much, except now I have a little more life experience (even if at the time I was semi-homeless, I had a lot to learn about real life). I’m not sure exactly what turned my writer switch back on, but I can’t seem to turn it off. My novel is at a point where I need to step up the story and brainstorming has kept my creative juices flowing. My new band Panic Attack has written two songs that sound pretty good and seeing something progress like that helps as well. I haven’t had a chance to dive deep into the book, but it’s more of a reference than a cover-to-cover read so I can go over things that I feel I need to work on, like sentence structure and use of punctuation.
I tend to obsess over things only to give them up as quickly as I started. I was interested to see if this blog would be one of those, but it seems to be something I can obsess over for a long period of time. Even as I’m sitting here listening to Bad Religion’s “True North” on vinyl and drinking coffee I am thinking ahead to tomorrow’s post and trying to figure out how to move my novel along. If my mind is full of these thoughts it is harder for the suicidal and self destructive thoughts to surface. Punk/Hardcore music also helps as it’s a scene that helped to shape my writing style and the support I experienced while playing in a band helped me see that people aren’t all bad. They say practice makes perfect, but this perfectionist needs a little more help. I hope the book has some good pointers!