This depression has not lifted, in fact it seems far worse this morning. I am sitting in the waiting room at the Psychiatry building at St. Boniface Hospital waiting for my appointment. I’m lost and I don’t know how I can convince myself to get to work afterwards. My mind has been in a very dark place for a very long time. I have tried to change my thoughts, I have forced myself to laugh and smile and have done a good job at keeping my temper in check, but my depression spirals on down and the further it goes, the more alone I feel; the more alone I feel, the further down I go. I need to say thank you to those around me that love and support me and I want to remind them that me feeling alone is in no way your fault. Please don’t be sad or offended. I feel sometimes that even the doctors don’t take me seriously, but that could be my stupid brain putting stupid thoughts in my head. I know I usually try to put a positive spin on things, but I am worn down and I am finding it harder to fight. Surviving is pretty much what I have been doing lately. Not really living; only surviving. To use a sports analogy I guess it would be like playing not to lose instead of playing to win. I just want out. I need relief; I need rest. I use “I” a lot. I forget about the suffering of those around me, but I’m told that goes along with merely surviving. I’m sorry for that.