I tried something new this morning. I got up at 5am and took the dogs for a walk. It was surprisingly easier than I had thought it would be. I’m pretty tired now, but no more than if I were to get up at the normal time and I had half an hour to myself. That doesn’t happen much when you have three kids. Now I have time to write this and have coffee, though the kids were up when I got home and are now arguing over who sits where and who said what. Mornings are never as easy as it shows you on TV. I can usually gauge what my mood will be like when I first wake up, but it has already been all over the map and I have only been up for an hour. I woke up feeling hopeful for the day ahead, then as I walked the dogs I began to panic about the day ahead, then became hopelessly depressed and now I’m back to panicking about the work day ahead. I would love to go back to the hopeful feeling I woke up with.
I would love one “normal” day to come my way. The type where I can handle everyday stresses without panicking; the kind where I can make a mistake and not beat myself into submission. I try to catch these thoughts and reason them away, and sometimes it actually works, but without a complete reset of my brain this will be a constant struggle. In the cartoons, all it takes is a blow to the head; unfortunately I think the blows to my head have contributed to this illness.
Wake up; Survive; Sleep